Hide And Seek

Guy, who regularly asks me to hide incorrect attachments on files: "Do you want to play hide and seek?"

Me: "Yes. You go and hide, and I'll come and find you in, say, an hour and a half?"

Ready or not, here I come!

Porridge. It Tastes Like Porridge.

Sitting next to a newer member of staff in the breakroom...

Me: "Oooh, is that porridge you've got?"

Girl: "Yes. I've not had porridge before. Is it like Ready Brek?"

Me: "Ready Brek IS porridge."

Girl: "Oh."

A short while later...

Girl: "This tastes like Ready Brek."

You Must Be Mistaken

Girl: "Tell him who you saw in Iceland!"

Boy: "Was it a walrus with a moustache?"

Me: "Not unless you're being incredibly rude, it was a girl called J- who used to work here."


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Watching repeats of Pointless:

Alexander Armstrong: "Name a film with a country in the title."

Me: "Australia."

Friend: "There's no trees in that."

Balls

Me: "I googled the number, and they're a telepest."
Girl: "Is telepest a company?"
Me: "I don't think they'd get many customers if they were called that."


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Girl: "Why is Mexico not in the Euro?"


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Physiotherapist, writing in their report: "Patient has Asparagus syndrome."

(Definitely worth noting, as they are clearly a medical marvel)


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 Boss, in departmental email: "We're having some desk moves as we're testing the new system, so the testes will be sitting together."

Balls to that.

Festive Filth

Me: "Someone has just sent round an badly spelt email about the office Secrete Santa."

Everyone: "Ewww!"

Lady: "Well he does come once a year!"

Ignorance Is Bliss

Girl 1: "I'm going to tell her!"

Girl 2: "Noooo, don't tell her! She'll laugh at me!"

Girl 1: "I'm still going to tell her!"

Me: "Tell me what?"

Girl 1: "She didn't know that baby cockatiels came from eggs!"

Me: "What?! Did you think they grew on trees or something?!"


*     *     *     *

Girl: "It was only a couple of years ago that I realised Scotch eggs have got meat in them."

Me: "What did you think the sausagemeat was?"

Girl: "I don't know... I thought it was some part of the egg. The mini ones. I offered one to my friend and she said no because she was vegetarian... I was like, what?"


*     *     *     *

Girl: "My mum didn't realise Babycham was alcoholic, until she went to a party and said to someone 'What are you drinking?' 'Babycham.' 'Oh, why aren't you drinking?' She used to feed it to me when I was younger."

Other makes of perry, or deer, are of course available.

Best Not To Know

Girl: "Oh my God, did you see that girl's cameltoe?!"

Guy: "No, I wasn't looking at her feet."